I’ve been really depressed and frustrated with myself. Somehow I always end up back where I started. Every year, I gain weight lose weight then gain it back again. It’s a vicious cycle. A cycle I no longer want to be a part of.
I really really want to pursue fitness and nutrition. I love the feeling of being able to help and inspire other people to live healthier lives . Friends and even random strangers messaging and sending thank you letters and gifts to me for helping them out with their own fitness journey.
Last February, I lost about 15 pounds in 8 weeks. I was planning to quit my job that time to pursue my dream. My end goal is to become a registered personal trainer and a nutritionist. I decided to stay at my job with the promise that I could still pursue what I am most passionate about. After a few weeks though, the workload piled up again and all my time that should have been spent meal prepping, exercising and working towards my goals ended in the opposite direction. I gained all the weight back, even more.
At this point in my life, I turned into such a negative person. My negativity affecting my relationships with friends, family and loved ones. Not wanting to see anyone as I am not confident with myself. Not being able to look a person in the eye as well. I turned to food for comfort and exercise no longer existed in my daily routine.
Four months ago, I started to notice a bit of discomfort in my chest. I didn’t mind this at first as I thought it was just part of my menstrual cycle. Recently, I noticed a distinct pain in my left chest and felt a lump but I thought nothing of it. I went to the breast center in Medical City last Saturday to have an ultrasound done. The doctor conducting the test looked concerned with that specific area and she did verify that there was a mass present in my left breast. I started to cry ( I tried to be as discreet as possible). Results were to come out in 2 days. Those two days were spent worrying about how my life could change by Monday. I thought of every possibly scenario. “Is this Cancer? Am I going to die? ” I am diagnosed with Panic Anxiety so you can just imagine what went on in my head. Luckily my results said probably Benign. I’m okay.
Initially I was planning to leave my job by 2018 and to start working towards my dreams then. Something I realized is this: Tomorrow is NOT guaranteed. Go after what you want right NOW.
Maybe finding that cyst was a sign from God to remind me of what I really wanted to do. I am currently trying to find that balance. If it is important to me I need to make time for it. I’ve decided for the time that I will still be working ( planning to resign by Q4 of this year ) I need to be selfish and make time for myself. I need to give myself a cut off with work and spend my mornings and after work hours focusing on my goals. No more excuses. And even if this is the nth time I’m starting over again, I’m not giving up!